Tips For Making New Mommy Friends (While Avoiding Mommy Cliques)

by Natalie Hoage on September 20, 2011

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When you’re a new mom, or new to a city, school, or play group, making new friends can be intimidating to some. But you can do it! Take a look at these simple ways to meet some new moms and make some new friends.

Making New Mom Friends

Start When Your Child is an Infant
Why? Because you and baby both need friends. And when the babies are sleeping, it gives you and your new friend time to bond and get to know each other; at this point, the play dates are more for you than the babies!

Your baby will also get used to having other children around, learning to share, and learning to play with others.

Don’t Do Too Much
If you do “too much” of any of these things, the kids probably won’t adjust well to the play date:

Too Much Time: An hour play date is ideal, anymore than that and kids tend to get cranky, or tired, or hungry . . . or all of the above!

Too Many Kids: Any more than about 4–6 children just gets out of control and hard to handle . . . for both the moms and the kids.

Too Many Play Dates: If you schedule play dates everyday of the week, chances are both you and your child will get burned out quickly. Children (and moms!) need some down time, and being around so many people and so many activities all the time can get old quickly.

Expect Some Temper Tantrums
Let’s face it, you put kids in a room together with toys or at the park, and they’re bound to fight!

One way to teach children to share is by saying something simple yet direct: “No, it’s Jennifer’s turn.” If that doesn’t work, try distraction. Have another toy ready for your child to play with.

If your child pushes, hits, or bites, address it immediately. For older infants, hold their hands and sternly say, ‘No hit.’” Once your child is old enough for a time-out (around 18 months to 2 years), you can give him one as soon as the incident takes place. If it continues, put him in his room if you are hosting or leave for home if you’re not.

Dealing With Mommy Cliques
So you’re the mom of a child in a new school, new play group, new whatever. Chances are, there’s going to be at least one mommy “clique” you’ll notice immediately. Yep, mommy cliques are real. Just as there are kid cliques, there are ones for us moms, too.

If you’re hoping to become part of the group, you can . . . but it will take some work on your part. Watch the group and you’ll find there are one or two “ringleaders” . . . steer clear of them. Instead, watch for someone who is “in” the group already who is friendly and approachable. Chat with her when she’s alone or maybe with just one or two other parents.

When the time is right, ask a question to shift the conversation to the group: “Do you all get together for playdates? I’d love to meet some of the other moms.” If she tries to shy away from answering or does not throw out an invite, don’t take it personally (easy said than done!). Try to find someone else that you do click with, and don’t worry about whether she’s part of the “cool crowd” or not.

What tips can you suggest to make meeting new friends easier?

  • Julie C.

    Some good advice! It can be hard for a woman who leaves her work (where most of her “friends” were) to stay home with her babies and finds herself stranded without neighbourhood pals.

    I found new mommy friends at library groups, the park and even the local coffee shop in the mall. All are great places to strike up a friendly conversation and you can meet again the next week without getting “serious.” After a while you can decide if you want to have a playdate at either or your homes.

  • Jenny L

    I never encountered cliques. does that mean that I’m the ringleader, oblivious to other’s pain? I think that anyone who wants to be part of my group, only needs to be approachable herself.

  • http://www.adventuresinbabywearing.com Adventures In Babywearing

    I have the hardest time now with one young one at home and my oldest kids at school- a lot of the playdates we are invited to are with “first born” toddlers. They aren’t used to my “fourth born” child and how rough and a bit more energetic she is oft-times, and the parents aren’t used to my laid back sit-on-the-bench style while they hover over their babies (which I totally understand because that was me once.) Just have to find our groove! I don’t like committing to one specific group- I prefer to be a float from park to park and mom to mom. Sometimes one on one is the best and then I don’t have to feel like I am avoiding or leaving anyone out if I don’t invite a whole group to one place.

    Steph

  • http://www.adventuresinbabywearing.com Adventures In Babywearing

    I try not to commit to one specific group in case it doesn’t work out and I want to move on, – I prefer to float from park to park and mom to mom and find visiting with moms one on one works out best for me!

    Steph

  • http://www.livingthescream.com Carly

    Making mom friends can totally be tricky. I totally agree with the tips. I have met a lot of friends from twitter and blogging as well.

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