It’s a marriage killer and I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty of it. I don’t do it every day, but often enough and I always feel like a huge heel. Guess what? You probably do, too. What am I referring to? Nagging.
Even the word alone sounds annoying.
Well, at least I’m not alone….
According to recent survey of 3,000 people carried out by Everyman, a health campaign group, women spend close to 8000 minutes a year nagging their husbands. That’s two-and-a-half hours each week or 11 hours a month or five-and-a-half days a year!
The #1 complaint wives have?
Housework, followed by their spouses alcohol abuse and health care practices or lack there of.
87 percent of the woman in the study admit to giving their partner a hard time in order to get them to do something.
The study revealed that almost half the men who participated said they “gave in” after an hour if their partner carried on, while a further 21 percent caved in after a couple of hours for the sake of keeping the peace.
In other words, even though nagging is often an unfortunate aspect of marriage, according to the results of this study, the strategy appears to be quite effective.
I do hate the thought of my husband “caving in.” I know nagging is not cute or funny and the more I nag, the more I get tuned out.
Nagging can lead to resentment and it’s disrespectful. I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but there are far better ways to communicate our spouses.
Here are some more effective tactics and other recommendations to keep in mind and who knows, they could even work better for you the next time you need (or want) your husband to do something:
- Avoid using phrases such as “you always…” and “you never…”. In the heat of the moment it may feel this way, but we know it’s not true. Take a breath and formulate what you are really trying to accomplish without placing blame or making broad generalizations.
- Try using “would you” or “will you” rather than “could you” or “can you”. There’s a subtle difference in the way the request will be heard by your spouse.
- You and your spouse probably have a different perspective on what needs to be done and when, so decide who will take care of certain tasks and responsibilities in your home and then let that person be in charge of when and how they are accomplished.
- Communicate! Work with your spouse on finding a peaceful resolution that doesn’t involve nagging or procrastination.
- If getting something done is that important to you, do it yourself! The key here is not to be resentful about it, which is often easier said than done.
- If you’re constantly spouting off negativity and harping, it’s hard to be intimate with your spouse. Nagging can create a huge wedge in your relationship.
- Always say thank you and show appreciation whenever a task is completed.
- See what happens if you stop nagging. Your husband just might surprise you and do what you want. Hey, it’s worth a shot!
Photo credit: kandyjaxx